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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29828292">Meet the Parents</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/jellybeanforest/pseuds/jellybeanforest'>jellybeanforest</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Marvel (Comics), Marvel 616</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Cap-Ironman Bingo, Comedy, Difficult In-Laws, Dracula adopts Tony, Dracula is not a fan of Steve and Tony's relationship, Farce, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Overprotective Parent, Threats of Violence, Wrestled to the Floor, meet the parents</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 20:47:41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,201</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29828292</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/jellybeanforest/pseuds/jellybeanforest</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>In the comics, Dracula tells Tony that Howard tried to trade baby Tony to him in exchange for vampire immortality. Dracula turned him down, but what if he hadn’t? Basically, Dracula takes one look at those cute chubby cheeks, flushed with warmth and good cheer, and thinks: it couldn’t hurt to have an emergency food supply. </p><p>And then he ends up falling in love with fatherhood.</p><p>Tony grows up relatively well-adjusted, with a loving (if overprotective) father, leading to its own set of problems, particularly in his love life. After all, vanishingly few are up for the challenge of dating Dracula’s pride and joy. </p><p>Until Steve.</p><p>Or:</p><p>Tony takes his boyfriend home to meet his vampire dad.</p><p>For the 2021 Cap-IronMan Bingo Round 1 – Accidental Proposal.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Steve Rogers/Tony Stark</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>70</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>261</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Captain America/Iron Man Bingo</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Meet the Parents</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sineala/gifts">Sineala</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Basically what it says in the tin. </p><p>Sineala brought these panels to my attention: https://sineala.tumblr.com/post/189653170194/omg-selling-his-son-like-human-trafficking-or-for</p><p>So in this AU, Dracula (AKA Vlad the Impaler AKA Vlad Draculea) accepts Howard Stark’s trade to adopt Tony. Tony grows up with a doting vampire dad. Because he’s not the heir to Stark Industries, his kidnapping doesn’t happen, and he doesn’t become Iron Man. Instead, he works for S.H.I.E.L.D., designing their advanced weaponry and uniforms, much like Q in James Bond. There, he meets a newly-defrosted Captain America who eventually asks him out. When it’s time to meet the parents, Tony warns him about his father, but Steve isn’t particularly intimidated by the fact that he’s literally Dracula (he’s more nervous that he is meeting his boyfriend’s dad).</p><p>Side note: Historically, Vlad the Impaler was the second son of Vlad Dracul (Dracul meaning “the Dragon,” which he got from being a member of the Order of the Dragon), and his name Draculea/Dracula means “son of the Dragon.”</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Did you remember to bring the goat?” Tony asks Steve for what has to be the third time on their drive from the City to rural Pennsylvania. He cranes his neck, peering through the dusty back window into the pickup bed to ensure the goat is still harnessed and tethered in the back of their rented truck.</p><p>Steve knows his boyfriend is nervous for tonight – he is too – but it’s starting to border on ridiculous. An outside observer would think Tony himself is the one meeting Steve’s parents instead of vice versa.</p><p>So Steve simply sighs, his eyes steady on the road. “Of course I did,” he replies evenly. “You reminded me fifteen times and saw me load up Billy.”</p><p>“Don’t do that.”</p><p>“What?”</p><p>“Name the goat,” Tony clarifies, his fingers tapping on the side door. “I don’t want you to get attached.”</p><p>“I didn’t name the goat. He came with it. Organic, pasture-raised with plenty of friends, a horse named Belle, and all the other kids.” Steve slows to take a left into the long driveway of the Dracula family estate. “Only the best for your father.”</p><p>“Wait. Back up. You brought a pet?” Tony looks back at the goat, terror in his gaze. “Steve. You know what’s going to happen to it, right? You shouldn’t think it being someone’s pet will stop him. I once snuck this stray cat into my room, and when I came home from school, Scruffles was gone, and in his place was a terrified ED specialist, there for an intervention over my obvious closet eating. Dad said I shouldn’t feel the need to hide snacks in my room.” Tony squirms in his seat. “I was eight and just wanted a pet!”</p><p>“The goat isn’t a pet. He’s just ethically raised.” Steve parks near the quaint two-story Victorian farmhouse, wipes his sweaty hands on his dark trousers, then allows himself a generous twenty seconds to collect himself before exiting the vehicle and walking to the other side to open Tony’s door. “Are you ready to have dinner with your father, sweetheart?”</p><p>“Oh, I’ll survive,” Tony tells him, reluctantly accepting Steve’s hand. “It’s you I’m worried about.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>In the low light, the house looks foreboding. The external incandescent lamps enhance the sickly yellow of the wooden siding while the green shutters bordering the windows appear almost black. In contrast, the roof and gingerbread detailing stands out in dark blood red.</p><p>Having to concentrate on the road, Steve had been fine on the way over, but as they stand side-by-side at the door, he fidgets, runs his fingers through his hair to feel the evenness of his part, manually checking that each strand is in place. He looks down at his pants, scrutinizing whether the long drive had cemented permanent creases in them. Are these wrinkle-free? Should he have worn jeans? That’s what country boys do, right? But what about five-hundred year old vampires?</p><p>Should he have rented a cape, or would that have been patronizing?</p><p>“You look amazing, honey,” Tony says, squeezing Steve’s hand in his own.</p><p>“You think?”</p><p>“Yeah,” Tony plasters on a smile. “How good you look when you meet Dad is definitely not going to factor into whether or not he decides to eat you.”</p><p>“…Thanks,” Steve deadpans.</p><p>In the two years they had dated, Steve had never met the man, the myth, the legend, but this eventuality had been anything but a surprise. Steve had known about Tony’s infamous father from the very beginning, the association rather obvious when one has “Anthony, son of Dracula” printed on his S.H.I.E.L.D.-issued work badge. Steve had initially thought it was just a name – perhaps the man had even lost a bet and had to legally change it to the unfortunate moniker – but he had quickly come to understand that Tony’s (adoptive) father is literally the iconic centuries-old vampire. Even Agent Coulson had warned him to steer clear of the pretty brunette R&amp;D director if he was fond of breathing.</p><p>Like a little danger has <em>ever</em> stopped Steve Rogers.</p><p>Granted, Tony had been confused at first, had registered Steve’s attentions as curiosity in the future instead of singular interest in Tony himself. Perhaps he had been so used to explaining present-day tech to an ancient being that he naturally undertook the same task when faced with a similarly time-displaced person and didn’t think anything of it…</p><p>Until Steve kissed him one day after returning from a particularly rough mission.</p><p>Steve had wanted to meet Tony’s family for months now, but his boyfriend had always demurred. And now, faced with the inevitability of Steve finally meeting his father, Tony only rolls heel-toe then back again, staring hard at the door. “You know, there’s a Burger King about five miles down the road. We don’t have to do this.”</p><p>Fat chance of that happening. Steve rarely shies from what is difficult. He has plans damn it, plans that require he meet Dracula, look him square in the eye, and–</p><p>The door flies open, revealing an aging man, tall and sinewy, still strong, his skin unnaturally pallid and hair long and surprisingly full for his age. “Anthony, my boy. Come in. Come in.”</p><p>Tony seems to release the breath he is holding – “Good to see you too, Dad” – and crosses the threshold.</p><p>Steve is about to follow when Dracula attempts to shut the door in his face, only to be stopped by Steve’s foot in the door and arm braced in front of himself to stop it from breaking his nose.</p><p>“My apologies.” Dracula sounds anything but sincere. “I didn’t see you there.” But he doesn’t let up on trying to close the door on Steve until Tony intervenes, gently pulling him away to let Steve through.</p><p>He moves to stand beside his boyfriend to make formal introductions. “Dad, this is Steve. My boyfriend. I told you he was coming. Meeting him is the whole point of this dinner,” he reminds him pointedly – an underlying <em>be nice</em> evident in his tone – before pivoting to Steve. “Steve, this is my father, Vlad Dracula.”</p><p>“Pleasure to meet you, sir,” Steve says, holding out his hand for a shake.</p><p>Dracula stares at the outstretched limb as if it is a coiled viper before turning to address his son. “Anthony, if you could help me with the VCR… I require it to record the legendary epic ‘Days of Our Lives,’ which has changed time slots despite multiple ravens delivering my missives to the executives of NBC protesting the new schedule.”</p><p>Steve silently withdraws his hand while Tony looks almost weary. “What happened to the DVR I got you for All Hallows’ Eve last year?”</p><p>Dracula hisses, waving off his concern.</p><p>Tony doesn’t even flinch. “I told you it’s easier than the VCR. It will find and automatically record ‘Days of Our Lives’ at its new time slot,” he points out. “You won’t even need to record over your old tape. It’s so old that the tracking has deteriorated anyway.”</p><p>“Bah! You young people are always throwing out perfectly good things when something new and shiny comes along,” Dracula grumbles, leading them towards the dining room. “Back in my day, all we had was a stick and a ball and were glad for it.”</p><p>“Yes, and you were the best shepherd in the village.”</p><p>“Shame you never really took to Oina like your father.”</p><p>“They call it baseball here.” Tony hooks a thumb at his boyfriend. “Steve is a huge fan.”</p><p>Steve is about to take the opening to connect with Dracula under the guise of common interests when the vampire makes a sound of disgust. “A game for children. Grown men should not have a vested interest in such matters.”</p><p>All in all, Steve gets the distinct impression that not only is his presence unwanted, but Dracula dislikes him entirely on principle.</p><p>The situation does not improve at dinner.</p><p>“The black pudding is delicious,” Steve tries once again. Tony had told him such fare is only served on special occasions. Steve is surprised his father deigned to serve it to an unwanted interloper such as himself. Then again, perhaps Tony’s return to the homestead is special enough. He clearly dotes on his son even if he can’t countenance Steve. “Tony says the ones I get at the Eastern European specialty shop aren’t nearly as good as yours. Perhaps I could get a recipe, Mr. Dracula?”</p><p>The vampire puts down his goblet of blood. “Please, please, Dracula was my father’s name.”</p><p>“No, it wasn’t,” Tony says, already bracing himself for whatever fresh hell is coming their way.</p><p>Dracula takes the interruption in stride. “It relates to my father’s accomplishments, and I’d rather not rest on his laurels, not when I have other names I earned in my day,” he tells him before turning to Steve. “You may call me The Impaler.”</p><p>“Dad! Really?” Tony’s eyes are large as saucers.</p><p>“It is not too late to build your own legacy, my dear Anthony.”</p><p>“Oh here we go,” he mumbles under his breath.</p><p>Dracula is speaking to Tony but staring directly at Steve. “Might I suggest Anthony the Black Widow?”</p><p>“You know that’s Natasha’s schtick.”</p><p>“Such a nice girl. Cold and ruthless,” Dracula takes a sip from his goblet. “Unattached as well.”</p><p>“We’re just friends. And is this really appropriate conversation right now?” Tony asks, eyes not-so-subtly flitting to Steve who is sitting right there, clearly visible and in his father’s line of sight.</p><p>“Ah yes. The boyfriend.” Dracula positively glares at Steve as if he is a leper or rather something Tony tracked in on his shoe. “Tell me, Steven, how would you smite Anthony’s enemies, hm?”</p><p>“I’m so sorry, Steve.” Tony sounds small, like he wants the ground to open up and swallow him whole.</p><p>That won’t do.</p><p>Steve meets the vampire’s eye. “Blunt force trama.”</p><p>“Steve!”</p><p>Dracula scoffs. “Unimaginative.”</p><p>“But effective,” Steve counters, leaning closer to his opponent as Tony looks between the two.</p><p>His father bristles. “Any brutish caveman can wave a cudgel.”</p><p>“I’ve fought and beaten quite a few vampires in my day,” Steve grasps his steak knife tightly, cutting another ragged slice of blood sausage and spearing it along with a piece of stewed apple. “Hitler had many in his army.”</p><p>“Children, the lot of them. I can assure you you have not encountered one so experienced and vicious as I.”</p><p>Steve pauses. “Is that a challenge?”</p><p>Dracula pushes his chair back, allowing himself room to stand should the occasion call for it. “And what if it is?”</p><p>“Dad!”</p><p>Steve doesn’t back down. “You want to go, old man?”</p><p>Tony’s fork clatters to his plate, drawing the attention of both men. “Can’t we all just take it down a notch and have a nice dinner?”</p><p>The two back down, the tension deflating as they both recline in their respective chairs.</p><p>The rest of dinner passes uneventfully with minimal conversation, mostly directed towards Tony who continues to run interference between the two.</p><p>Perhaps that is why he is so apprehensive when Steve asks if he can have a private moment alone with Dracula.</p><p>“Are you going to try to fight Dad?”</p><p>“No, I just want to talk to him, man to man,” Steve replies. He has been practicing, playing out how the scene would go in his head during his morning run for the past two weeks, and he will not be deterred.</p><p>“Alright,” Tony tentatively agrees, picking up their plates and silverware. “I’ll be in the kitchen, washing the dishes when you need me.”</p><p>“You mean if?”</p><p>“I said what I said.”</p><p>Steve finds Dracula in the parlor room, perched imperiously upon a weathered leather recliner.</p><p>“I see you left my son to clean up on his own,” he comments, his chin tipped up so he can peer down his nose at the taller man. “Is that a common occurrence?”</p><p>“We usually split chores.” Steve sits on the floral couch across from Dracula. “I wish to speak with you.”</p><p>“And the Saxons wished to not be impaled upon stakes while I dined below them,” he replies coolly. “Tell me, Steven. From where do your people hail?”</p><p>Ireland, but that’s not important.</p><p>“It’s about Tony,” he clarifies instead. He sighs. His planned speech isn’t going to work so he might as well get to the point. “As you know, we’ve been together for a couple years now. I love him, and he loves me, so I would like to ask for his hand in marriage.”</p><p>The consequences are immediate. One second, Dracula is sitting across from Steve, annoyed but otherwise harmless, and the next, he has pounced on him, his long fingernails fisted in Steve’s shirt, scratching the skin underneath, and teeth hovering over his neck. He screams when he spots the silver chain Tony had given Steve to wear under his shirt, and it is only rage that keeps him from flying off at the sight as he tries to work his way around the necklace without burning himself too badly.</p><p>Steve isn’t too sure what reaction he was expecting, but attempted murder hadn’t been on the list.</p><p>He flips them both over the back of the couch and tries to wrestle the vampire to the ground even as Dracula gains the upper hand.</p><p>It would be so much easier if Steve had been less concerned about harming the old vampire. Dracula certainly didn’t have the same compunctions.</p><p>What follows is a crash of porcelain followed by a shout, and then Tony is there, trying to pull his father off his boyfriend.</p><p>The situation isn’t ideal – Steve had had it all planned out; he had wanted to take Tony to Paris or maybe even the white villas of Santorini to pop the question – but he isn’t sure he’ll live that long. He has to know. “Tony–”</p><p>“No!” Dracula cries out. He tries to cover Steve’s mouth with an iron grip that may have crushed the jaw of a lesser man.</p><p>Steve peels off his fingers by bending back the pinky far enough to be worrisome. “Tony, will you–”</p><p>“I forbid it.”</p><p>“I’m not asking you.”</p><p>“You did!”</p><p>“Yeah and now I’m asking Tony!” Steve pushes him back, nearly kicking him off entirely. He flips around on his belly to look up at the love of his life. “Tony, I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” Dracula is on him again as they tussle across the floor, knocking over various knick knacks on the side table, until Steve is able to place him in an arm lock as Dracula spits and hisses, trying to break his hold. Steve grunts at the exertion. “Will… will you… marry… me?”</p><p>Dracula lifts his hips up, flipping over Steve who hangs on even as he ends up under the vampire’s bulk.</p><p>Tony takes a minute to get over the shock, the joy, before crashing down to reality. “Dad, I love him,” he states flatly as he watches the two men he loves most try to kill each other.</p><p>“It will pass.”</p><p>“Get off my fiancé,” he says more forcefully, even as Dracula refuses to let up.</p><p>Steve rolls them over, locking his legs over his future father-in-law’s. “So it’s a yes?” Steve could die happy, but he’d rather live.</p><p>“Of course it is.”</p><p>“Alright, fine.” Dracula goes limp. “I concede.”</p><p> </p>
<hr/><p> </p><p>Later, after Tony has sat them on the couch and fussed over both of them, applying unnecessary bruise cream to Steve and admonishing his father for starting the brawl in the first place, he secures a promise from both that they won’t fight while he goes out back to check on Billy.</p><p>“You are strong and were able to avoid my bite,” Dracula says, observing how Steve’s bruises are already healing on their own.</p><p>“Yeah, did you think I was kidding when I said I’ve fought vampires before?”</p><p><em>Be nice,</em> Steve tries to tell himself. <em>Be nice for Tony’s sake.</em> Tony had asked him this one favor: for them to not kill each other for fifteen minutes. Steve had been trained to withstand literal torture. He can do this.</p><p>For Tony.</p><p>Dracula must have come to the same conclusion. “Perhaps I have been a touch… hasty. You will protect Anthony?” he inquires.</p><p>“Yes.”</p><p>“Just know if you hurt him–”</p><p>“Not gonna happen.”</p><p>“See to it that it does not. I will not go so easily on you next time.”</p><p>Steve simply stares at him from the opposite end of the couch. “…You went for the throat,” he points out, his tone incredulous.</p><p>Dracula hums, flicks his hand to look at his talons. “And if I had meant it, you would be dead,” he states matter-of-factly. “It is a long drive back to your abode. You and Anthony will spend the night here. In separate bedrooms of course. I am what you would call a ‘night person,’ and I will be keeping watch.”</p><p>Steve lifts a brow. “No offense, but how do I know you won’t try to off me in my sleep?”</p><p>“You don’t. It is what is called a ‘trust exercise.’”</p><p>That does nothing to reassure Steve. He is a light sleeper, but vampires are even lighter intruders.</p><p>Dracula seems to cotton on to the source of his unease. “I do not wish to cause my son pain, and Anthony would be very sad if you were to meet an untimely demise at my hand.”</p><p>“Didn’t stop you before.”</p><p>“If we are to be family, we must learn to trust each other, Steven. So, until further notice, I will trust you not to harm my son, and as long as you can manage that task, nothing… untoward will befall you,” Dracula insinuates before making his threat more explicit. “Make him happy or else.”</p><p>Steve can do that.</p><p>“I am entering the house,” Tony calls out from the back door. “I expect to find two of my favorite people in the entire world in the parlor. Intact and alive. With no further damage to the surroundings.” They can hear him remove his boots in an exaggerated fashion. “I will be sorely disappointed if this is not the case.”</p><p>Steve holds out his hand for a shake. “Truce?”</p><p>This time, Dracula accepts.</p><p>Tony is still dictating his movements. “I am now walking towards the parlor, and…” he rounds the corner, his tense shoulders visibly relaxing at the downright domesticity of the scene before him. “And good. You haven’t killed each other.”</p><p>“I believe we have reached an understanding, my dear Anthony.”</p><p>Steve concurs. “Yeah, your dad and I patched things up.”</p><p>Tony goes to sit between his father and his new fiancé, placing a dart gun from the glove compartment on the table in front of him. “Good, because I was about to tranq you both if you couldn’t behave,” he says rather cheerfully, his face alight with mischief and good cheer.</p><p>Dracula chuckles, the sound wheezy and crackling like dry leaves. “Always the clever little rapscallion and a brilliant problem-solver,” he says, giving Tony a pat and firm side hug. “Oh how I love you, son.”</p><p>Steve couldn’t agree more.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Sangerete is a traditional Romanian blood sausage (also known as a black pudding) commonly served with apples and mashed potatoes.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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